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Nanowrimo Excerpt #2 faster, faster, faster!
oh, wind, please stop pushing me backward.
i need to catch up --
the winds howls in my ears
grabs at my arms, legs, hair. engulfs me in a mini tornado.
dark, wet leaves wildly dance about, and the trees can barely stand still, and i can barely keep going
i have to. i need to.
my legs trip over branches, and twigs, and there is no opening.
large waving twig arms, and old, rotting trees cover the sky
block the clouds
the darkness and fog work with the wind
they keep pushing at me, pushing at me, throwing rocks, dead leaves, anything it can find at me.
i have to close my eyes,
and i trip
and i keep falling, and falling
and try to breathe
but the air refuses to come to me
i open my mouth to scream
but my voice turns into bubbles
and something foreign is entering my lungs and
i knew i should have taken those swimming lessons
i stop trying to cal
i'm scaredplease (-and i)
please understand that the last time i remember being completely carefree about quickened heartbeats and blushed cheeks were the days when i did quizzes on blogthings for entertainment and rushed through my math homework so i could go on the computer as early as possible. those were the days of red scribbles on grid paper before i lost touch with things and then the paper turned into pink and white sticky notes promoting breast cancer awareness with scribbles made from pencils or maybe blue pen i
don't forget i gave you something special twice. and i don't know if you know this clearly but you ripped it apart once twice bit by bit by bit and threw it away and i took it back. i took back all the pieces and super glue-gun'd them together and hid it from you and locked it and hid the key under the mat and taped the mat to the floor and camouflaged it with words that were the same colour as everything i said before but they didn't come from the same place beca
one of those days.it was one of those days when you wake up feeling groggy and rub your hands over your eyes a little too hard so that when you open them everything looks too dark to be a morning, and you blink and blink for a while until you realize it's not just you, and it really is dark, and it takes you a while longer until you know the alarm clock went off early, and the whole world is still asleep, and at that moment, you feel like you're the only one in the house that has an awareness of reality right now.
and sometimes it's when you listen to pop love songs while writing a business letter, and accidentally end up writing meaningless lyrics instead of meaningless thus-es, and therefore-s and other words that no one really ever says.
and when you sit back and remember how ten years earlier, life used to center around school and friends and everything was so easy and carefree and how now you finally know how complicated life can get, and then you look out the window and see a skinny bird feed a sk
dear dreams,dear dreams,
i remember you being slightly bigger, way back when.
much, much bigger. like, the size of a flying building times an airplane, or the power to control the weather, and be a famous singer and dancer and an awesome kindergarten teacher, all at the same time. or something.
looking back, it seems as though, all the time that i spent growing, you spent shrinking. and your decreasing pattern was probably not linear.
the first things that i think changed you, were the things that i watched and read over and over, and then you became love songs and poems and stories, and i became a character in a novel.
you were still pretty big back then. just, a different colour, maybe. i can't really be sure. my memory is not too good, but. i'm sure you were still pretty big. maybe.
so. then. how did you become so small?
ah. of course. the inevitable. well, maybe not "inevitable" since some do seem to be able to get away without being too affected by It, but most don't, and i'm one of the most,
forever in a nutshell.forever is
the moment when today turns into tomorrow
and tomorrow turns into today
going backward and forward
in circles that grow
is the continuum hypothesis
where infinite sets can have different sizes
all too great to contain within a single mind
like the line between insanity and
it is bigger than the biggest imagination of the most imaginative child
and smaller than the smallest mind of the most small-minded man
it is anything divided by zero
and a ribbon in the shape of an eight
it is the lie or promise behind true love and
the faith or wish between heaven and hell
and an illusion that makes it seem as though
things can actually last
it is as unreal as
always and never and infinite and forty-two
and as real as
the day after sunday, and the day before monday
is something no mind can see hear or know
and the only truth that's worth it, is this, to
forever is (everything and) nothing, and
nothing (and everything)
things i wanted to write abouti wanted to write about
running out of oxygen, and being afraid
of how much it hurts to jump off from
the edge of a cliff, and not knowing
at all how far the ground was, or when you would ever land.
i wanted to write about
oceans, and drowning, and falling and crashing,
and the way you said i love you and
the time i really believed you and the times
i thought i didn't love you back and the first time when
i honestly realized admitted that i truly
madly deeply did and that i would never ever stop and i
sat down in a corner, pulled my hat over my eyes and
during the bus ride on the way home.
the time i was afraid that i could never ever
learn to fly because, i was too afraid of the crash,
too aware of the parachute.
but then i remembered
that falling is just flying without wings.
(and even if the end is a nightmare,
as long as i didn't wake up yet,
you were sort of a dream come true.)
i wanted to write about
intoxication, and damaged pieces of juvenile
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Lilyas has dedicated herself to making our community a brighter place with her vibrant artwork and infectious enthusiasm for interacting with others in our community. It has certainly paid off, as many deviants flock to her page on a daily basis to let her know how much of an inspiration she is. We absolutely agree, and couldn't let all that hard work go without recognition, so it's with great pride that we bestow the Deviousness Award for March 2014, to ... Read More