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About Deviant rain charmenFemale/Canada Group :iconthe-smile-challenge: the-smile-challenge
One smile at a time
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words that have been laughed at/mocked, little pieces of my heart, secrets masked with excessive punctuation, ramblings not worthy of being called 'poetry', and other such creations.

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sometimes i sit here and i look up at the cloudless, cloudy sky and i can't see anything but blue but my eyes are painted grey, and my smile is laced with lies and

my mind is somewhere else
dragging itself through smoky foggy skies, and
through squishy cement before it dries up
run, run, run, quick, quick, quick
wait.
the cement never dries around here.
or, was it always dry from the beginning, am i

knee deep, or am i floating, or am i up to my knees or to my neck, i
me, my, you, i.
you.

sometimes i sit here leaning against the wall looking out the window through the blinds but the blinds are closed, i don't know how i can look through them but i think i did, i do.

sometimes i sit here as if i'm glued to the floor and made of glass is my fragile mind and my eyes are overflowing but nothing will fall because where is gravity even in this parallel time universe

so,
sometimes i sit here.
i love you.
i lo/
    /ve you.

like an old song, a familiar tune
waving in and out of my head
i pretend it doesn't matter
the ringing in my ears
keeping me awake

that story, those words,
they run right through my fingers
without a warning, the next page, that
blissful image, slippery, is it out of my reach
so far out of my reach, how far inside my head

who is the one driving this car and i sit here holding
on, with no view of the steering wheel they hold.
no matter what, whatever i think, you
run me in over my head, with
whatever you do, or say

every piece of the puzzle of you
every missing corner filled in, i
collect every fragmented thing
scattered every which way where


who is the one who writes these scribbled-in pages?
the one who reads these pages of answers to my
un/asked questions and i would like to know
where can i go back to a time of /knowing.
do you have the heart to lead me

there/
where.

searching for that one thing that
is clear, is real, is definite, but then
who am i to think that what i think even
matters, and i close off\ like i can, as if i can
but the pieces and slices and wishes and dreams
they flood/ me, overflow through my veins, my eyes

and i want /love to be something simple again
i want /you to be something simple always
and i drown/ myself in these conceited
thoughts i can't help but think
because you put them in
and gripped my heart/
my head with them.

keeping me on my toes
the sandpaper grits you pave
the way with as you sew my heart
to my holey sleeve with the gaps and
who is the one who fills these gaps in, can't i?

trying to remember your face
that i'm not sure if you've ever shown
me, did i see right, because maybe i'm water or metal
and you're light, and i slowed you down like venetian blinds
but how big were my gaps, did you slip right through them, did i

lying here, asleep or awake
your face like phosphene floats behind
my closed eyes, i pretend it doesn't bother me
the slippery, slippery, stubborn, stickiness of this
like a faded, jaded, beloved tune you can't quite place

can't/
quite/
place.


keeping me awake

the ringing in my ears

i pretend it doesn't matter

waving in and out of my head
your words like floating kaleidoscope
that i let get to my heart, i can't let it get to my;

i love you.
the goodbye/
    /was for the sake of my own head.
who am i to think /these thoughts
( some parts vaguely inspired by Alien Huang's 自以为我以为 )
Loading...
floating in the sea~
searching for nessie~
how far away is he~
or is it a she~

i don't even know
'cause i have never seen
this is the only time
that i have ever been
no one else is here
to tell me what this means
no one to let me know
if this water's even clean

down here in this sea~
floating endlessly~
how long will it be~
where are you, dear nessie~


------------------------------------------------------------------------

we've been here since last winter, you see;;
just a little something i wrote back in december.
december 19th, to be exact. when we discovered one or two or a million extraordinary things.


it's like this thing
that you were told does not exist
and you believed it does not exist
and you taught yourself to believe it does not exist

until one day you heard
that others have seen it
and you thought
okay, maybe it does exist
why not.

it's not impossible.
it's actually very possible.

i'm sure it does exist.
i'm sure others have seen it.

but you never
in your life
expected to see it
(not the real actual thing)
for yourself


and then one day
something just shows up
in your backyard
and you pick it up and bring it home because you think it's cute
and it wants to swim
so you put it in the bathtub
and then it grows huge
and turns out to be

the loch ness monster itself.




do you know that feeling?

when you have a loch ness monster inside of your bathtub?
is this even
    the way the scales tip in one way
    but never the other
    or do they.
    or.
    do.
    they.

i don't
    think i ever heard you say
    why what why this
    what this all means
    to me.
    to.
    am i?
    is this even,
    or am i odd.
    am i

asleep or dreaming
    or awake
    wide, wide, awake;
    are my eyes larger than they should be -
    maybe bigger than my head
    maybe bigger than me
    are these
                                                                     (( real ))
too many
    conceited thoughts
    made-up thoughts i made up for me with me; and you -
    do you have crooked teeth?    
         with gaps so wide between them
         that lies just fall through them like fish too tiny
         fall out from my fishing net.
    maybe it's my net that's too wide, or my ears are too sweet.
         that take your toothy lies
         and turn them into song
         (but how would i when i've never heard such songs before? i. they're not even.
you're the one who made me into a songwriter.
i never even wanted. never even thought.)
    and maybe.

why.
is this even                                                  (( real ))
    the way i'm supposed to
    hear this.
    are you crying because of. i mean.
    are you crying?
    is this even
    what i think. you mean.
    or am i thinking too much.
    am i thinking too dreamy.
    if i'm thinking so dreamy then why am i dreaming in nightmares
    i could have never imagined existed. where
    where
    did they come from
    from
    where
    did you come
or did you
    come
    or did i
         bring you here
where. are we even -
are.
we even?
is this.
even.

real?
is this even.
how did i even get here?
Loading...
floating in the sea~
searching for nessie~
how far away is he~
or is it a she~

i don't even know
'cause i have never seen
this is the only time
that i have ever been
no one else is here
to tell me what this means
no one to let me know
if this water's even clean

down here in this sea~
floating endlessly~
how long will it be~
where are you, dear nessie~


------------------------------------------------------------------------

we've been here since last winter, you see;;

Journal History

deviantID

starcatcher42
rain charmen
Canada
Current Residence: up north.
Favourite genre of music: anything that sounds good.
Operating System: various.
MP3 player of choice: sansa.
Wallpaper of choice: seasonal.
Favourite cartoon character: perry the platypus.
Interests

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Comments


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:iconparadesu:
Paradesu Featured By Owner Jun 22, 2015  Student Interface Designer
Thank you for the favoirte ^^ :+fav: !
Reply
:iconlonewolf117:
LoneWolf117 Featured By Owner Aug 24, 2014  Professional Digital Artist
Happy Birthday!! :cake::party:
Reply
:iconphoenixleo:
phoenixleo Featured By Owner Aug 24, 2014
Happy Birthday! :iconballoonplz:
Reply
:iconsimplysilent:
SimplySilent Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2014
This is positively ancient, but thank you very much for the watch! :tighthug: :iconsweethugplz: :iconflyingheartsplz:

Please enjoy this freshly baked cookie! :dummy:

:iconcookie1plz::iconcookie2plz::iconcookie3plz:
:iconcookie4plz::iconcookie5plz::iconcookie6plz:
:iconcookie7plz::iconcookie8plz::iconcookie9plz: :giggle:
Reply
:iconnattrozanska:
nattrozanska Featured By Owner Jan 7, 2014  Professional Writer
Thanks so much for the faves =)
Reply
:iconstarcatcher42:
starcatcher42 Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2014
Most welcome! ^^ They were well-deserved faves ;D
Reply
:iconrenealexa-plushie:
renealexa-plushie Featured By Owner Oct 21, 2013
Thank you for the watch~ :hug: Very much appreciated~ ^^

And just an info : If you wanna keep in touch in my new creation & the most recent updates, you may follow me in www.facebook.com/pages/Rene-Al…

Thank you,
Rene Alexa~ :heart:
Reply
:iconstarcatcher42:
starcatcher42 Featured By Owner Oct 21, 2013
No problem! Your plushies are amazing, and sooo cute! :D I stumbled upon your page through a dA ad :D and I'm glad I did ;)

(Ok, thanks for the FB link! I've liked your page there too ;))

Do you take any requests/commissions, btw? :B


Nice to meet you,
- Rain ^-^
Reply
:iconrenealexa-plushie:
renealexa-plushie Featured By Owner Oct 21, 2013
Oh hi Rain~ Nice to meet you too! ^^
Thank you for liking my FB~
I don't take request but i take commission~ :) You could find more info here : www.renealexa.com/
Reply
:iconphoenixleo:
phoenixleo Featured By Owner Aug 24, 2013
Happy Birthday! :iconballoonplz:
Reply
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